just 'cause you're breathing,

doesn't mean you're alive.

every day i pass these yellow tulips on 59th & Park on my way to and from work.

they're in the middle of an intersection, and today i got caught inbetween the green traffic lights on both sides of this tulip island, signaling cars to pass in opposite directions.

it's funny because this very moment in the middle of the street is one of my favorites; for a second the world gets smaller, and there's something so peaceful about staying still while everything moves around you. i guess one could say that it's a bit ironic to feel this way in such a city, but i love it.

stranded on the island, i took a better look at these tulips and this is what i saw:

a little bud, hidden underneath the covers.

suddenly the bigger tulips seemed almost tacky in comparison, with their louder petals, their floppy shape.

the little one became more interesting, had more depth, and there was something special about it.

lately i've been discouraged by our society -- in this generation consumed by social media, encouragement of everything publicized, instant gratification, instant EVERYTHING, sometimes i feel that we lessen the significance of moments and events that are meant to be more than just surface level good.  we've become books wide open, less intimate, less sacred.

i don't deny the good that can come from staying plugged in, but today was a reminder that doing so for too long with too much leads to nothing unique.  in a world full of loud buds, i want to keep moments worth keeping to myself, share with those worth sharing with, and keep my distance from the rest of the noise.

"To live is the rarest thing in the world.  

most people exist, that's all."

there's nothing to be gained from being like everyone else.

because when the wind blows, your petals will fall out, like everyone else.

xxmon

ready for spring

i am so over winter -- i'm sick of all my clothes, i don't want to buy anything new for cold weather.  i'm itching for the new season to come, and don't like feeling stuck in this residual season.  feeling a little uninspired lately.

don't get me wrong, 2012 thus far's been great (:

but as the years pass the events and celebrations that take place in my life and in the loved ones' around me have more meaning, more depth, and more importance.  realizing that almost half of my year is already planned out is drastically different from the way i lived back in college -- the planning gets overwhelming at times but i think only an indicator of my observation, and inevitable growth.

my job at work is to plan in a retail environment.  all day long i'm looking at styles and stories behind them.  which ones are working, and which ones aren't?  what does history tell me that i can take and use to guide in making the best decisions go forward?  what are the resources available that can be used as leverage?  what are the logistics behind the execution of a strategy?

the last thing i want to do in my personal life is to plan things -- i think naturally it's my initial reaction to doing it anytime after 6.

but it is a strength of mine.  inspiration is at times what i lack to do it well.

spring cleaning, buying groceries, planning a birthday, booking trips, doing my taxes, spending time with my sister, spending time with friends, finishing projects that i've started, reevaluating goals, financial and personal -- balancing all of these isn't just planning, it's life.

this, i feel is the most important thing to keep in mind: that no matter what age you are, everything in life is about balance.

good thing i'm a good planner.

perspective has given me motivation to put it to better use.

excited for spring, and the rest of 2012. 

cheers,

xxmon

little things

my boyfriend had a bouquet of flowers delivered to me at work a couple weeks ago.  i was completely caught off guard as he played detective unbeknownst to me to get my work address in the first place.  he's sweet <3

i'm not used to having living things in my apartment--be it a pet, nor do i have plants, but with these flowers i diligently cut the stems, changed the water, fed it flower food, and they lasted well over a week! coming into work and seeing these flowers blossom a bit more each morning really put me in a good mood.  naturally they started to wilt, and no amount of tender care i could give would do anything for them, so i was forced to put them away.

and i won't lie.. their lack of presence was felt.

i've decided that i'm going to buy flowers on my way into work on monday mornings.  

the things i gained from having that bouquet alive and well far outpaced the little maintenance they asked of me.  what's not to love.

cheers to my first batch tomorrow (:

what should i get...

xxmon