for better or for worse, in sickness and in health

i'm not gonna lie, i do enjoy being single.

yes, i miss the affection at times, but there's a lot of things about being in a relationship that i don't miss too.

being single makes me more aware of them, and i've since become a stronger person for it.

i've already mentioned how i've become more selfish.
the thing is, if there's a time period in your life that you're gonna be the most selfish, i think that time would probably be best now.

i want a family one day.  i want to be a (great) mother one day. those things about me haven't changed, but my being able to picture it has become much more distant in the last two years.  i think a part of that also has to do with being in the city, but that's another post altogether. i love new york, and i wouldn't want to give up the things that i've gained from being here and living the life i live now for anything else.

i'm just in no rush, i guess.

aside from being selfish and "stronger for it," there are still times when i feel really vulnerable and lonely, even with the support of the best girlfriends and a loving family -- when i'm sick, when i hurt myself, and when i get scared.  it's in those times that i miss having that someone the most.

no matter how tough and independent a girl could be/want to be, wanting to be loved is an inherent trait.

i do worry sometimes that i won't get it right, the whole balancing act. but it's not in my hands really, and so i have to let that go, the worrying.  i don't have a choice but to live.