pictures are worth a thousand words

and i'm having a hard time finding my own today.

this picture, and the words of others are all i find myself relating to.

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else." 

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Once in your life, I truly believe you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

-Bob Marley

<3

just 'cause you're breathing,

doesn't mean you're alive.

every day i pass these yellow tulips on 59th & Park on my way to and from work.

they're in the middle of an intersection, and today i got caught inbetween the green traffic lights on both sides of this tulip island, signaling cars to pass in opposite directions.

it's funny because this very moment in the middle of the street is one of my favorites; for a second the world gets smaller, and there's something so peaceful about staying still while everything moves around you. i guess one could say that it's a bit ironic to feel this way in such a city, but i love it.

stranded on the island, i took a better look at these tulips and this is what i saw:

a little bud, hidden underneath the covers.

suddenly the bigger tulips seemed almost tacky in comparison, with their louder petals, their floppy shape.

the little one became more interesting, had more depth, and there was something special about it.

lately i've been discouraged by our society -- in this generation consumed by social media, encouragement of everything publicized, instant gratification, instant EVERYTHING, sometimes i feel that we lessen the significance of moments and events that are meant to be more than just surface level good.  we've become books wide open, less intimate, less sacred.

i don't deny the good that can come from staying plugged in, but today was a reminder that doing so for too long with too much leads to nothing unique.  in a world full of loud buds, i want to keep moments worth keeping to myself, share with those worth sharing with, and keep my distance from the rest of the noise.

"To live is the rarest thing in the world.  

most people exist, that's all."

there's nothing to be gained from being like everyone else.

because when the wind blows, your petals will fall out, like everyone else.

xxmon

ready for spring

i am so over winter -- i'm sick of all my clothes, i don't want to buy anything new for cold weather.  i'm itching for the new season to come, and don't like feeling stuck in this residual season.  feeling a little uninspired lately.

don't get me wrong, 2012 thus far's been great (:

but as the years pass the events and celebrations that take place in my life and in the loved ones' around me have more meaning, more depth, and more importance.  realizing that almost half of my year is already planned out is drastically different from the way i lived back in college -- the planning gets overwhelming at times but i think only an indicator of my observation, and inevitable growth.

my job at work is to plan in a retail environment.  all day long i'm looking at styles and stories behind them.  which ones are working, and which ones aren't?  what does history tell me that i can take and use to guide in making the best decisions go forward?  what are the resources available that can be used as leverage?  what are the logistics behind the execution of a strategy?

the last thing i want to do in my personal life is to plan things -- i think naturally it's my initial reaction to doing it anytime after 6.

but it is a strength of mine.  inspiration is at times what i lack to do it well.

spring cleaning, buying groceries, planning a birthday, booking trips, doing my taxes, spending time with my sister, spending time with friends, finishing projects that i've started, reevaluating goals, financial and personal -- balancing all of these isn't just planning, it's life.

this, i feel is the most important thing to keep in mind: that no matter what age you are, everything in life is about balance.

good thing i'm a good planner.

perspective has given me motivation to put it to better use.

excited for spring, and the rest of 2012. 

cheers,

xxmon

little things

my boyfriend had a bouquet of flowers delivered to me at work a couple weeks ago.  i was completely caught off guard as he played detective unbeknownst to me to get my work address in the first place.  he's sweet <3

i'm not used to having living things in my apartment--be it a pet, nor do i have plants, but with these flowers i diligently cut the stems, changed the water, fed it flower food, and they lasted well over a week! coming into work and seeing these flowers blossom a bit more each morning really put me in a good mood.  naturally they started to wilt, and no amount of tender care i could give would do anything for them, so i was forced to put them away.

and i won't lie.. their lack of presence was felt.

i've decided that i'm going to buy flowers on my way into work on monday mornings.  

the things i gained from having that bouquet alive and well far outpaced the little maintenance they asked of me.  what's not to love.

cheers to my first batch tomorrow (:

what should i get...

xxmon

onto the next one

finally took the time to look at jo malone's line of scents and ended up landing on my newest fragrance.  

LIKE: english pear&freesia, nectarine blossom&honey, white jasmine&mint

INDIFFERENT: pomegranate noir, orange blossom

DISLIKE: french lime blossom, lime basil&mandarin, grapefruit

from chloe --> margiela

hello, jo malone: wild bluebell.

"It's a light and fresh floral that smells like a spring garden with top notes of fresh bluebell and clove combined with hints of lily of the valley, eglantine, jasmine, white amber and musk."

Top notes: bluebell and cloves
Heart: lily of the valley, jasmine, rose hip
Base: white amber and musk

love the way the perfume smells, when i first spray in the morning and the way it turns by end of day.

layering on nectarine blossom & honey also makes for a really good combination on me.  the line in general is overall so clean and fresh, which is what i really liked about it.

loving my newest addition.

ready for spring.

"You say that you love rain,
but open your umbrella when it rains.

You say that you love the sun,
but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines.

You say that you love the wind,
but you close your windows when wind blows.

This is why I am afraid,
you say that you love me too."


--William Shakespeare

feel good fridays

there are moments (not often, but a few) when i'm alone, and i take time to reflect on the day as i try to unwind and put it behind to start anew, that all the built up tension gets to me and i feel nothing but overwhelmed.

it doesn't last for long, but in those split moments, not being able to pinpoint exactly the source--frustration, sadness, anger, confusion, whatever mix--upset, i find tears in my eyes and no words to match.

it's in moments like these that i think of something that my mom once told me -- "Life is lonely."
she said it so casually a year or so ago, more as a comment as opposed to a topic of discussion, and although i made a mental sidenote of it then, the truth of her statement didn't strike me as much as it does in times like these.

i felt so overwhelmed on my way home from work today.  it's been a rough week.

and although at the time i felt self conscious of people around me gauging what was happening, in hindsight i realize that with the tears coming out of me, so did the thoughts of feeling so lonely.

because i don't feel less loved, and i don't feel that i live a lonely life.
i'm surrounded by loved ones and know that i have it good.
there are always reasons to be grateful.

i guess times like these are just reminders that i'm human, and that sometimes it's okay to feel overwhelmed. you can't expect someone to say exactly what you need exactly when you need it because they're human too, and such an expectation isn't fair nor possible to have.

writing about it makes me feel better.
thank god it's friday, i've been waiting for you all week.

(next week will be better.)

life in a day

"Life in a Day is a crowdsourced documentary film comprising an arranged series of video clips selected from 80,000 clips submitted to the YouTube video sharing website, the clips showing respective occurrences from around the world on a single day, July 24, 2010. The film is 94 minutes 57 seconds long and includes scenes selected from 4,500 hours of footage in 80,000 submissions from 192 nations. The completed film debuted at the Sundance Film Festival on January 27, 2011"